to forgive or not to forgive

Music: Emmanuel by Hillsong United

A day after I posted my "to the guy brave enough to tie the knot with me" entry, a guy friend commented in my FB account and said:

"...and never forgive someone who cheats. Not even once. Especially when you're married."

(Well, yes, he said many things other than that, but that's what struck me the most. Especially since he's a guy.)

Tonight, I open my devotional book and the entry for today is telling me to "draw on the unlimited account of [God's] forgiveness" as I "deal with personal relationships and people [who] hurt me, sometimes repeatedly."

I try to think of people who have hurt me repeatedly, and one person jumps to the top of my list. But I have already forgiven him, and we both have moved on, so I try to think of other people whom I might forgotten but not really forgiven.

I remember a girl back in high school, who was one year my senior, and how much I loathed her because she said I'm good-for-nothing. I recall a classmate who said I couldn't sing, and at that time I was so insulted that I never spoke to her again. I think of an officemate who tried to blame me for a mistake she did, and how I was never able to look at her the same way again after that incident. I think about my former best friend's girlfriend, who accused me of liking her boyfriend, and how I blocked her from my FB account because I found no point in continuously arguing with her.

Now that I think about it, I probably will never have the chance to talk to any of these people anymore (well, maybe except for the officemate), but I can pray and ask God to help me forgive them, and to forgive me as well. Sure, my grievances may seem like petty cares that should be forgotten, and I have indeed forgotten about most of them (the person and the wrong they did), but I realized I've never really forgiven them, never really prayed for them, never really asked forgiveness for being angry at them.

And so, I will pray for my senior to be successful in whatever career she's in, and hope that she will be good at something, anything. I will pray for my classmate and her beautiful voice (oh yes, she could sing), and hope that her talent will take her to places. I will pray for my officemate, that we can remain civil, even if we can no longer be friends. And I will pray for my ex-best friend's girlfriend, that she will have a happy relationship with his guy, and hope that she never finds out that he's playing around behind her back. Lastly, I will pray for myself, that I can stop being sarcastic and such a pain, and that I may be humble enough to know that I am also in the wrong, and accept that I cannot forgive and forget, unless the Lord helps me do it.

Oh, and as for the cheating husband?

I'll stick by what I said in my earlier post :)