the great pancake disaster

Music: The Re-Arranger by Mates of State

Yesterday, I just made the worst batch of pancakes, ever.

Blame it on the fact that I’ve been sick for one week and counting, or my kuya’s ridiculous tale (that I cannot even remember anymore), or my sudden culinary inspiration to add cinnamon in the pancake-and-water mix. Whatever the reason, I must have over-mixed the batter (something the instructions on the outside of the box emphasized NOT to do), because when I poured the first glomp on the skillet, the thing bubbled like mad and refused to be apart from the black pan.

When I finally succeeded in salvaging as much as I could from the weird concoction, it didn’t even look like a pancake anymore. More like oversized, mushy bread leftovers. Burnt, oversized, mushy bread leftovers.

I’m like, OMGWTFBBQ.

I have made countless pancakes in my time. Some were close to perfect, others not so much, but definitely edible. The horrid thing in front of me then could definitely cause food poisoning.

I was devastated. I had more than half a bowl of pancake batter in front of me, and I didn’t know what to do with it.

Breathing in and out, trying to calm myself, I listed my options inside my woozy head:

Option one: Add flour to the batter. This will make the taste bland, but I could always add sugar. Problem: I’m not sure if that will work, or if it will make the mixture more horrible than it already was.

Option two: Add cornstarch instead. Problem: Refer to option number one.

Option three: Throw the batter away, and start over. Problem: I don’t like wasting food.

Option four: Be adventurous. Bake the damned thing. Problem: I’m not really much of a baker. Pfft.

I opted for option four. I mean, what was the worst that could happen, right?

(Flashback: When I was in grade school, a friend and I tried baking a chocolate cake for our parents. The cake ended up as a sludge of brown, gooey thing that our parents couldn’t stop laughing and talking about it for days. Another flashback: In college, I baked a batch of brownies for (and with) my best friend/crush. We ended up with a batch of hard cookies instead. To be fair, I blame it mostly on the flirting in the kitchen.)

I poured a tablespoon of cooking oil in the batter (no, the original instructions did not require oil so I didn’t bother), took out a rectangular baking tray, poured the batter in it, and popped it in our oven toaster, setting the timer to fifteen minutes.

As I waited for the thing to finish baking, several scenarios went through my head:

Scenario one: The batter will be overbaked and inedible, and not only have I wasted precious food, but I wasted electricity as well.

Scenario two: My sisters will not like the taste, but I can always force them to eat it. Or I can finish it up myself, and suffer from a stomachache later.

Scenario three: The glomp will actually turn out okay, coming out of the toaster as a decent-enough-bread-thingy that I can serve for breakfast. Or a late snack. Since it was already, like, close to ten a.m. then.

Sceanrio three happened. I was saved.

And to make things better, several hours later, my sister came out of her room, went to the kitchen, looked at the empty plate where the pancake-turned-bread used to be, and asked, “Wala nang pancake?”

sorry for the inconvenience (another playlist)

Music: All Deliberate Speed by MAE

After making a playlist for my barkada (and enjoying the experience), I decided to make one for my best friend too. At first I had around twenty titles in my longlist, but after I shortlisted them, I ended up with only seven.

I'd like to think they're a fabulous seven though. Or maybe I should have made it five? Like, fabulous five?

Anyway.

Like my first playlist, I'm willing to share this to anyone who'll be interested. Just drop me a message somewhere on or before December 31, because, you know, that's when the FTP link expires.

List of songs are as follows:

1 - When you feel tired and what is left of your self-esteem is slowly slipping out of your grasp:

"Nothing in this room but empty space--no me, no world, no mind, no face."

Believe (K's Choice 3:31)

2 - When you feel useless:

"Well, you and me, we could change the world."

All Deliberate Speed (MAE 5:10)

3 - When you just want to give up because you're oh so tired:

"As you fall, wish for a place where you want to be."

As You Fall (Bent 3:35)

4 - When you feel like everything is going wrong and nothing is going right:

"Little holes in parachutes won't leave you falling, if they do, it's because you want to land."

Little (Something Corporate 4:51)

5 - When you're heartbroken:

"This cycle never ends; you gotta fall in order to mend."

Brand New Day (Joshua Radin 3:33)

6 - When you feel all alone and unloved:

"If your face is salty wet and you're drowning in regret, just don't forget...love heals."

Love Heals (Rent OST 4:36)

7 - Bonus track:

(When you just want to dance)

Two Birds (MAE 2:57)

battle royale novel spin-off?!

Music: How To Save a Life by The Fray

I don't usually repost news and other entertainment tidbits (because I normally don't care about them), but this one hits too close to home.

Battle Royale: Tenshi-tachi no Kokkyō (Battle Royale: Angels’ Border), a new spinoff manga based on Koushun Takami’s dystopian novel Battle Royale, will launch in next year’s third issue of Akita Shoten’s Young Champion magazine on January 11. Mioko Ōnishi (Izo’s Lover!) is drawing the new manga, and Takami is penning an all-new story for it.

The original 1999 novel followed a class of junior high school students who are forced to play a deadly game. On a deserted island, they must hunt each other down, and the last studentleft alive wins. The novel inspired two live-action films, and the first film by director Kinji Fukasaku was converted into stereoscopic 3D this year. Masayuki Taguchi serialized an earlier manga in Young Champion from 2000 to 2005.

Viz Media published the original novel in North America, and its Haikasoru imprint reissued the novel with a newly revisted text, as well as supplemental material from Takami himself, Max Allan Collins (Road to Perdition, Batman: The Child of Dreams), and Fukasaku. Tokyopop published the 15 volumes of Taguchi’s manga version in North America.

Source:

http://japanentertainment.tumblr.com/post/2408380860/battle-royale-novel-gets-new-manga-spinoff-in-january

I have mixed feelings, really.

On the one hand, I'm thrilled to see something new from Takami after so long (mostly because I haven't really paid attention to his other works that are not BR-related). On the other hand, I'm always kind of skeptical when it comes to BR spin-offs, especially because the second movie (Battle Royale II: Requiem) is HORRIBLE. Battle Royale II: Blitz Royale, the manga inspired by the second movie, half-bored me to death, and that's saying something, since I finished the first manga in less than a week.

I just don't know how to feel about this newest spin-off, especially since the news didn't contain any plot summary or synopsis.

But still, I guess it's something to look forward to in 2011.

Hoorah?

the thursday group

Music: The Simple Life by Sherwood

Because I hate Christmas shopping, I generally don't give gifts on Christmas. But since I love my barkada (and I'm in my things-I've-never-done-before phase), I decided to make a playlist for them this yuletide season.

My playlist includes the following songs (and dedications):

1 - Simple Life (Sherwood) - For everyone in my little group (because, after all, I think they are the ones I’ve been searching for all my life...well, at least part of what I've been searching for)

2 - Not Sure Yet (Andy Lange) - For Gel (because he's never given up on the idea of a happy ending)

3- Chase This Light (Jimmy Eat World) - For Ice (because, after all the chasing and falling and hurting, she's finally getting the happily ever after she deserves)

4 - Brand New Day (Joshua Radin) - For Ivan (because he finally found Miss Right, after a series of Miss Wrong)

5 - Hammers and Strings – A Lullaby (Jack’s Mannequin) - For Ayen (because sometimes, all she really needs is someone to sing to her in her sleep)

6 - How To Save a Life (The Fray) - For Gia (because sometimes, despite all efforts, friendships end, but it doesn’t mean that they end forever)

7 - Goodnight and Go (Imogen Heap) - For Lorraine (because of reasons that will not be mentioned here, since, you know, I fear for my life)

8 - Giving It Away (MAE) - For myself (because I need to learn to start trusting again)

I have an FTP link to all eight songs (plus lyrics) that will expire on December 30 (yes, 2010), so if anyone wants a copy of the playlist, drop a shout-out or PM or text me or something so I can send it to you too. Because, well, it's the season to be generous, so I'm willing to share it with other people (until before the link expires, of course).

In the meantime, here are the lyrics of The Simple Life by Sherwood, the first song in the playlist:

Simple Life

This is the easy life

This is the simple life baby

And you maybe just what I

Have always been searching for

A light through an open door darling

But you're guarding it all night

I will whisper a song in your ear

Of the things you've been missing my dear

If you remember the tune

It's all I can do

Just remember I wrote it for you

And I carry an open box

Of rusted and broken locks, slowly

Can you show me where to lie?

Cause I'm tired as I can be

My legs aren't a part of me darling

Let us go then, you and I, through the night

I will whisper a song in your ear

Of the things you've been missing my dear

If you remember the tune

It's all I can do

Just remember I wrote it for you

I will whisper a song in your ear

Of the things you've been missing my dear

If you remember the tune

It's all I can do

Just remember I wrote it for you

Just remember I wrote it for you

(And here's a random YouTube link, to give non-Sherwood fans an idea of how it sounds like: The Simple Life)

Merry Christmas everyone. I hope your 2010 was more bearable than mine was, and even if it wasn't, I hope you learned important lessons along the way, just as I did.

Here's hoping to a, ehem, fantabulous 2011?

the great putobumbong hunt

Music: Knock Out episode via our TV set :p

I get weird cravings sometimes, and they usually last for a month (mostly because it takes me that long to find the food I’m looking for). I remember way back last year (or was it last, last year) that I craved for takoyaki so badly I searched different malls and bazaars just to find a takoyaki stall. I found one at the Megamall A food court. After a few days, I saw takoyaki stands everywhere.

Just a couple of months ago, I had a terrible craving for kwek-kwek (quail eggs fried with orange flour), but the stalls which sell them made me fear a relapse of typhoid fever (yes dinuguan, I blame you for that). It took me about another month to actually find a clean-enough-looking stall to buy kwek-kwek from. A week later, I saw two new stalls that sell fish balls, squid balls, and yes, even kwek-kwek.

Next was the controversial avocado ice cream. This was trickier, because not all groceries sell that flavor. Finally, I had to drag Lorraine to Megamall in search of a cone, which thankfully BTIC has. The events after that will remain unspoken of, mostly because I still like to pretend that none of it happened. Let's just say it involved a stalker and some, uh, stalking?

Then last November I suddenly had a craving for putobumbong. Knowing that it was nearing Christmas, I figured that bibingka stalls would sprout like weed in every corner, and for one month I searched for the perfect putobumbong...all in vain. It took me two weeks to find one measly stall, and it was situated in a place so inconvenient that I would have to go down from the jeepney on my way home from church just so I could buy some. I never did, mostly because I feared that it would not be worth it. Yes, I'm stupid like that.

Finally, about two weeks ago, my sister's boyfriend mentioned a friend's family who sold putobumbong somewhere in San Roque, Marikina. One cold evening, on our way home from theater practice, I asked--commanded--my sister to take a detour to said place so we could finally buy some.

It was worth it.

The sticky, violet malagkit was just the right amount of texture I wanted, and the combination of sugar and coconut shreds added to the light, fluffy flavor I prefer. I was so happy I finished two sets in one night. Which is, of course, bad for my stomach, but I didn't care. The great putobumbong hunt was over.

The following day, my cousin told me the store outside our condominium had set up a bibingka and putobumbong stand just that evening.

Damn it.

people need the Lord (and other theater blues)

Music: People Need the Lord by Steve Green

With the postponed performance for the Bicutan drug rehab this coming Sunday, I felt pretty bad about all the rehearsals we had the past couple of Saturdays. Not that I think they're wasted; I'm just...well...disappointed. Then I got an invitation for a music sketch performance on December 15, and at first I'm a bit hesitant to accept, because it's a weekday and it's hard to come up with something in the span of a few days.

But the Lord works in ways that I can never comprehend. I got nine volunteers who are willing to perform on the 15th, and I have until Friday evening to write the script. I have absolutely nothing, but I believe the Lord will give me wisdom, since He pretty much made this possible to begin with.

In the meantime, here are the lyrics to the song I'll be working on. This song was suggested by the event organizer, and though it's not exactly a Christmas-y song, it's perfect for evangelism. And I've always wanted to write something for this anyway, but never really took the time to sit down and actually do it. Now I won't have an excuse anymore, so in a way, maybe this is God's way of telling me to get off my butt and write more material for the songs I love.

If anyone wants a copy of the script (assuming I actually finish something on time), I'd be more than willing to share. Just give me a holler, a shout-out, a hello-how-are-you and I'll e-mail you a copy of the file, most probably in Excel format. Uh, yes, because formatting a music sketch script in Word is torture.

Okay, enough mumbling. Here you go:

People Need the Lord (Steve Green)
Everyday they pass me by
I can see it in their eyes
Empty people filled with care
Headed who knows where
On they go through private pain
Living fear to fear
Laughter hides their silent cries
Only Jesus hears

People need the Lord
People need the Lord
At the end of broken dreams
He's the open door
People need the Lord
People need the Lord
When will we realize
People need the Lord
 We are called to take His light
To a world where wrong seems right
What could be too great a cost for
Sharing life with one who's lost
Through His love our hearts can feel
All the grief they bear
They must hear the words of life
Only we can share
 People need the Lord
People need the Lord
At the end of broken dreams
He's the open door
People need the Lord
When will they realize
That we must give our lives
For people need the Lord
People need the Lord
People need the Lord
  

barkada emo moments part v - gia v2.0

Music: Prince of Tennis opening song

I've neglected my blog for a couple of weeks, but then again, real life happened.

Anyway, here's the next part of my barkada emo sessions. This is Gia's reply to Gel's post.

The war continues!

@gel... i guess you are tackling it in a different context. since the "happy ending" i dont believe in is the "fairy tale happy ending" because joshene introduced the term happy ending after the fairy tale thingy of her ex-crush. it's a fairy tale...kwentong kutsero, a magnified and sanitized version of the truth (that you cannot experience happiness in real life without going through trials and pains).

you and your partner might not be the ones creating the trials, but it's part of life and relationships...you could never say you fully trust and believe in your relationship until it is challenged...you could easily say that, when it is not...but what happens when it is???

marriage is not a path to happiness...it is commitment, trust, respect and love...marriage is simply a tool to show the commitment, trust, respect and love.

marriage can be a path to hell. if based on all the wrong reasons. or even if based on the right reasons, but the couple left it in the minds and failed to exercise the reasons of the marriage.

the problem with some airheads is they that think, pag kasal na OK na ang lahat, but it is not...that's why some marriages fall apart. because at one point or another...naging sobrang kampante na sa marriage, akala nila dahil natali na nila...tali na sa kanila...

kahit kasal ka na

...you still have to nurture the relationship...you still have to work hard to keep it strong.

sabi nga ng mga kaibigan ko na may-asawa: you have to compromise a lot...you have to be strong...and in a relationship you have to continually remember "it doesn't mean that when a person doesn't love you the way you want to be loved...they don't love you."

"It doesn't mean that when a person doesn't love you the way you want to be loved...they don't love you."

This is my favorite part of the post. And not because I'm cheesy or mushy or any of that crap. I just think it makes sense. You can't force people to love you. You just have to let them do it in their own way, at their own pace. Whether it be romantic or brotherly love, it's really not your call. You just need to learn to accept whatever that person is capable of giving.

Believe me, you'll be better off that way.

Links to previous posts for reference:

barkada emo moments part iv - joyce

barkada emo moments part iii - gel

barkada emo moments part ii - ivan

barkada emo moments part i - gia

christmas eve (a not-really-a-christmas poem)

Music: Natutulog Ba Ang Diyos by Gary Valenciano

While browsing over my old notebook, I found a poem I've written at the back of a baptismal programme two years ago. It was probably one of the last poems I've ever written, and now that I've reread it, I realize that I kind of like what I wrote, despite the fact that it's pretty...uh...pathetic.

It was originally untitled, but I thought of a more or less appropriate title for it now. Revised it a bit, but the general idea is the same.

christmas eve

you put down the phone and mentally pat yourself on the back

for not breaking down

and you close your eyes tight and try not to cry

(still you see his face, oh so vividly)

in your mind you see him boarding that wretched silver bird that will

take him away from you

forever (forever is such a long time)

to a place with no rain nor snow

and the only storms are those made of sand

and you see him plain as day

looking down the black ocean filled with regrets and bitterness

of spending so much time with each other

(still, it is never enough)

and minute after minute he flies farther away

and second after second he slowly forgets your voice that

calmed him many a sleepless nights

and he sees the horizon

and dreams of men and women

in long, flowing robes

and you let the first tear fall

the minute he steps on foreign soil

(still, you know he is not coming back)

barkada emo moments part iv - joyce

Music: Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap

And we're back to our regular scheduled programming.

Three down, two to go. Plus a three-liner from Ayen. My turn now. I don't think I need much explanation for this, since they came from me anyway.

Gia's reply to Gel's e-mail will be the finale. Wait, scratch that. Ayen's piece will cap off this barkada emo session.

In the meantime, here we go.

Ako, I don't believe in happy endings, kasi endings are always sad. I know the saying "every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end," but that just makes it worse. I mean, granted, beginnings can be something to look forward to. Beginnings are scary, but can be worth it. But endings...they just make me sad. There's nothing happy about separation, whether by death, or a third party, or physical migration, or just the fading of love/intimacy/friendship.

I'd rather live the story than anticipate the end. I'd rather be happy while living my story, than wait for the inevitable "happy" ending that will never come.

I used to believe in happy endings, when I was still "idealistic," if that's even the correct word for it. But yes, I'm jaded, calloused, broken now. I have so many ragged edges and I don't know how in the world I'll be able to smooth them out again. But I think it's better this way--that I'm realistic, logical, level-headed.

Sorry rin, pero it's a defense mechanism. It's human nature to want to preserve yourself. I'm being human. And don't tell me I'm being unfair. I've given so much before, and it almost destroyed me.

I'm not saying I don't want to love anymore. Hell, I miss being in a relationship. I just want to make sure I do things correctly this time. I get sad, sometimes I get impatient, I get restless. But I'm not giving up, not yet. I may not believe in happy endings, but I sure as hell believe in stories lived happily.

bibliophiles, unite! (lit out loud: a literary festival)

Music: Mayroong Nagmamahal by Ogie Cayabyab

I'm going to take a quick break from all the EMO-ness that is my barkada to talk about something I love: books.

More specifically, panel discussions that have something to do with books.

I was fortunate enough to attend the second day of National Book Development Board's Lit Out Loud, the Manila International Literary Festival. What's exciting about the festival is that the organizers "gathered eminent authors and literary agents from around the world as the best writers in the country to talk about books, reading, the writing craft and the business of publishing (Pasion-Flores)."

The first breakout session I attended was about Genre Fiction, and panelists Dean Alfar, Karl de Mesa and Yvette Tan talked about speculative fiction, fantasy, and even horror. Which got me really excited, because I'm a horror chic, I love dystopian novels, and I've been trying to expand my reading list to accommodate titles from the fantasy and spec fic genre (George R.R. Martin, Gregory Maguire, etc.). That, and I'm currently trying to figure out a way to write down a story concept that's been brewing in my head for quite a while now, a dystopian-ish alternate universe which may or may not contain aliens (I haven't quite decided yet). Anywho, the session really encouraged me to continue with what I'm planning to write, especially now I'm reassured that there is an audience for that kind of story.

Then the panelists pointed out that tagalog romance novels sell way more than literary novels, but then, sales does not always automatically translate to success. It all a matter of perspective, they say.

I'm trying not to be discouraged.

The second session I attended was about online writing. Although I didn't enjoy it as much as the Genre Fiction session, I did get to listen to Marne Kilates and Luis Katigbak talk something they're passionate about. Carljoe Javier was also part of the panel, but I haven't really heard about him, not until then. Turns out he's rather popular in the online blogging scene.

*cough*

I suck, I know.

The Graphic Novel session was fun, mostly because Elber Or admitted to having ADHD. That, and Carlo Vergara, of the Zsa Zsa Zaturnnah fame, was an excellent moderator. Throw Marvel inker Gerry Alanguilan into the mix, and BAM! Definitely a fun(ny) session.

But I think I enjoyed the last session the most. It's a "How to Make Book Trailers" session, and I thought it will be all technical (mostly it is, since we were taught how to use the Keynote and Garageband programs, both of which I don't have), but Christopher Cheng read two of his storybooks to us (One Child and the yet-to-be-released-come-2011 Sounds Spooky), and the children's books enthusiast in me just wanted to squeal in delight. I definitely need to get a hold of those books.

I swear, I will write something worth publishing soon. That is, uh, I hope sooner than later. But. Anyway.

Although I wasn't able to attend the Children's Literature and Young Adult Novel sessions, I'm pretty happy with how the day turned out. I learned a lot of things, got to listen to a bunch of great writers, and picked up a few pointers I can use when I finally decide to stop being lazy and actually write something.

Plus, I was able to finish most of Perfume: The Story of a Murderer, during the breaks in between.

A wonderful day indeed.

barkada emo moments part iii - gel

Music: Runaway by The Corrs

As I've mentioned in my previous post, Gel is the Ted in our group, according to my friends. Now I've only seen around five random episodes of HIMYM on cable TV, so I can't really vouch for the accuracy of this information. What I can say about Gel is that he is optimistic when others are not, he is calm when others are panicking, and he seldom shows any other emotion, aside from happiness, amusement, or boredom. He is a romantic (bordering to sickeningly cheesy), and lucky is the woman he falls in love with. And in a world where guys our age usually take advantage of members of the opposite sex, Gel remains a gentleman, to the point where he won't hold your hand without asking for permission first.

In some ways he is the perfect boyfriend, except that he's so perfect, it tends to be boring after a while. (Sorry Gel, you know we love you :p)

In our barkada emo session, it was when he replied to my email that things began to take a serious turn (for the worse or for the better, I cannot really tell). It was supposed to be light, funny, insane--useless banter between friends. But no. He just had to get down to business, which prompted Gia to get all serious too.

And viola, the war has begun.

Sorry.

I believe in happy endings. :)

I don't see the point of struggling with living if at the end, I won't be able to say I'm happy. Hmm... Di lang isang moment sa buhay natin ang happy ending (rough trans: Our life doesn't have only one moment for its happy ending). It's a collection of all of our experiences. If marriage is already a happy ending, then wag na lang ako magpakasal (trans: I'd rather not marry). Kasi what comes after that? I like to think that marriage is just one path to having a happy ending.

Being in a relationship might lead you to your happy ending, and then it might not. Not being in a relationship might also lead you to your happy ending, and then again it might not. So what if it doesn't? Then don't let things end for you there. Stand up. And try again. :D

Nabasted na ako so many times (trans: I've been rejected so many times), I don't even want to count. Had my heart broken in so many ways by people I've been in a relationship with. But it doesn't stop me from trying to find my happy ending. So keep on struggling. Life is hard. Life is unfair. If life had a face, I would punch it. I would punch life in the face and say screw you! :P

We make our own happy endings.

I have an answer to this, and Gia has one too. I shall post them in different entries in the near future. In the meantime, I'll let you munchkins reflect on what he just said, and decide whether you agree with him or not.

(And no Gel, I am not earning anything from this blog so I CAN'T pay you royalties!)

barkada emo moments part ii - ivan

Music: Oceans Away by The Fray

Part 2 of our barkada's emo sessions. The next reply came from Ivan, the only guy (more like the only one) in our group in a "real" relationship. I honestly did not know what to expect from him. I mean, I kind of expected Gia to be blunt and be the no-nonsense one, and Gel to be pretty much idealistic (he's like Ted from How I Met Your Mother, or so my friends say), but Ivan can sway either way, since he's a "guy" but "in a relationship."

I actually liked the storytelling part. I mean, I knew about the college girls, but it was interesting to find out about his online girlfriend (mostly because I could relate a bit). So here's Ivan's story, in verbatim again, with just a few corrections on the typos and punctuation marks, because I'm OC that way:

Nabusted ako so many times bago ako natuto manligaw. (trans: I've been rejected so many times before I learned how to properly court a girl.)

In High School, I averaged courting 2 girls per year...
I graduated single - never been kissed - :)
(nagka gf naman ako pero sa chat lang) trans: I had a girlfriend, but only via chat.
OY! ToTOO un ah... we truly loved each other back then... di nga lang kame nagkita :) (trans: It's true! We truly loved each other back then... we just haven't met face-to-face.)

During Ateneo College, may niligawan ako sa Miriam... (trans: During Ateneo college, I courted someone from Miriam)
M.U. na kame nun (trans: We became M.U. [Mutual Understanding or Mag-Un?])
pero disaster din un... (trans: But it ended in disaster)
naikwento ko ata sa inyo un e... (trans: I think I've told you about this already)

During La Salle College...
natuto nako :) (trans: I learned)
niligawan ko ung pinaka maganda nung school (trans: I courted the prettiest girl in school)
nakuha ko cya in 3 weeks (trans: I got her in 3 weeks' time)
(at di nya ako type nung una) trans: And she didn't even like to at first.

Ang moral ay... (trans: Moral of the story is)
Magbasa ka ng Tagalog Romance at Sexy Komiks... (trains: Read Tagalog Romance and Sexy Comics)
Bwahahahaha

Stand up Joyce and move on
kung kinakailangan... (trans: If needed)
Aakayin ka namin patayo - That's What are Friends are for - (theme song playing) (trans: We'll help you stand up)

Madaming lalaki dyan... wag ka lang mapili (trans: There are a lot of guys out there...don't be choosy)
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

A couple of points I want to raise:

1. I graduated college without ever being kissed. Damn proud of it too. (Or maybe I'm just a prude.)

2. I did not have an online boyfriend (at least not officially), but I almost fell in love with a guy literally half a globe away. It's a long story, one that I enjoy talking about (usually), because it gives off pleasant memories I don't want to forget. And yes, we are still friends, this guy and I.

3. Dear Ivan's current girlfriend: I have nothing to do with what your boyfriend wrote. Please do not gouge my eyes out when we finally get the chance to meet face-to-face.

4. Ivan, I will NOT read Tagalog romance and sexy comics...are you friggin' insane?!

5. And as I've responded in the email, I can't help but be choosy when it comes to guys...I was brought up that way!

Gel's response is next. That's when it starts to get serious. I'm actually pretty scared right now.

barkada emo moments part i - gia

Music: Where Are You Going by Dave Matthews Band

It all started with an e-mail I sent my friends this morning. I guess, in hindsight, this insanity is all my fault, so it's up to me to chronicle them, in the hopes that my brain cells will finally shut up and actually let me do some real work.

In defense of myself, I've been feeling pretty low yesterday (as may or may not be evident in my last two posts), and this sentimental bone in my body only functions once or twice in a good year anyway.

So. What started out as a cheesy, out-of-character message from me turned into a mini-debate, two versus two, boys versus girls, with the boys taking the side of pro-happy endings, and the girls taking the opposite. Which is pretty, uh, ironic, if you think about it, except that in our little circle of friends, the boys are the ones who are idealistic, optimistic, and, heaven forbid, romantic. Us girls are usually the jaded, oblivious, or just plain clueless ones. But that's a story for another day.

This is what I sent them:

Emo mode :'(

My (ex)crush is living a cliche fairy tale, and I'm still afraid to open my door to other people.

Damn you ex(boyfriend) for ruining my concept of a happy ending.

:'(

To be fair to my ex(boyfriend), I don't really blame him (not anymore). And I'm happy for my (ex)crush and his fairy tale with his girlfriend. It's just that the emo monster attacked all of a sudden, and there was little I could do to stop it from waging an all-out war with what is left of my brain.

Gia was the first one to respond. I am going to copy/paste her response verbatim (well, maybe not, since I edit things I should not edit in the first place...it's my nature) in this post. And yes, her mini-musing is copyrighted, and may not be reproduced in any form without the written permission of the copyright owner (Hah! You think I won't do it, Gi?!):

joshene.

happy endings are BS.

the fact that you don't believe in it is a blessing not a curse. believing in happy endings is the curse. because that unlucky person would dream of having a perfect life after marriage (we all know...that is impossible) ... and realize too late that relationships aren't like that at all. (by that time.. that person will be caught in a messy relationship)

fairy tales end in weddings because thats how far happy endings will last.

don't fret.

i always believe that everyone and everything has its own time and cycle.

when you are ready to love again, you will feel it. (hopefully asap)

that guy was stupid... and is such a weakling.. he doesn't deserve the distinction of being the reason you stopped believing in having a future with someone special.

maawa ka sakin. i plan to marry after you... pag di ka mag-asawa, lagot magiging matandang dalaga ako. (trans: have pity on me. i plan to marry after you... if you don't get married, i'll end up as an old maid.)

gia

I'll share the responses of my other friends later. I think my brain cells finally decided to cooperate. About mighty time they did so too.

Ciao for now!

a missing piece's story

Music: Pilgrim's Theme by Bukas Palad

Two posts in one day. I'm not even bored. Just...sad, I guess.

I need to reread this anyway, just to remind myself that I don't have to fit with anyone to be able to roll, because I can always roll by myself.

(I seriously want my own copy of the book. Like, seriously.)

I think readers will appreciate the story more if they've read The Missing Piece first. But still, this is beautiful in its own.

The Missing Piece Meets to Big O

By Shel Silverstein

The missing piece sat alone...

waiting for someone

to come along

and take it somewhere.

Some fit...

but could not roll.

Others could roll

but did not fit.

One didn't know a thing about fitting.

And another didn't know a thing about anything.

One was too delicate.

Pop!

One put it on a pedestal...

and left it there.

Some had too many pieces missing.

Some had too many pieces, period.

It learned to hide from the hungry ones.

More came.

Some looked too closely.

Others rolled right by without noticing.

Hi?

It tried to make itself

more attractive...

it didn't help.

It tried being flashy...

but that just frightened away

the shy ones.

At last, one came along

that fit just right.

(roll...)

But all of a sudden...

the missing piece began to grow!

And grow!

"I didn't know

you were going

to grow."

"I didn't know either,"

said the missing piece.

"I'm lookin' for

my missin' piece,

one that won't

increase..."

Ciao...

Oh...

And then one day...

one came along who looked different.

"What do you want of me?"

asked the missing piece.

"Nothing."

"What do you need from me?"

"Nothing."

"Who are you?"

asked the missing piece.

"I'm the Big O,"

said the Big O.

"I think you are the one

I have been waiting for,"

said the missing piece.

"Maybe I am your missing piece."

"But I am not missing a piece,"

said the Big O.

"There is no place you would fit."

"That is too bad," said the missing piece.

"I was hoping that perhaps

I could roll with you..."

"You cannot roll with me,"

said the Big O,

"but perhaps you can roll by yourself."

"By myself?

A missing piece cannot

roll by itself."

"Have you even tried?"

asked the Big O.

"But I have sharp corners,"

said the missing piece.

"I am not shaped for rolling."

"Corners wear off,"

said the Big O,

"and shapes change.

Anyhow, I must say goodbye.

Perhaps we will meet again..."

And away it rolled.

The missing piece was alone again.

For a long time

it just sat there.

Then...

slowly...

it lifted itself up on one end...

Plop!

Then lift...pull...flop...

and flopped over.

It began to move forward...

And soon its edges began to wear off...

Liftpullflopliftpullflop...

And its shape began to change...

And then it was bumping instead of flopping...

And then it was bouncing instead of bumping...

And then it was rolling instead of bouncing...

And it didn't know where

and it didn't care.

It was rolling!

(roll...)

Story with illustrations here.

---

Sometimes I feel like the missing piece--waiting for someone to come along, someone who will "complete me." (Hello Jerry Maguire, I don't want to take lessons from you.) Except that I don't think I want anyone to "complete" me; I want to be complete by myself. I think I'll be able to do better in a relationship that way. And I'm not talking about just romantic relationships either.

(I've been broken for far too long.)

I've been rolling by myself, rough edges and all, for quite a while now; it's just that sometimes, I pause to rest, only to realize that the rough edges are growing back, the already broken parts breaking up some more. Then I push myself to move again, liftrollflopliftrollflop, and I'm not sure anymore if I'm flopping or bumping or bouncing or rolling.

It is only by God's grace that I can continue flopping/bumping/bouncing/rolling, despite everything. And it is only by His grace that I will eventually be complete--complete enough to roll by myself...beside someone who is complete by himself too.

of closing cycles and shutting doors

Music: Finale from the Wicked OST

I'm not a Paolo Coelho fan. I can't even spell his name without checking the Internet first. I've read The Alchemist way back in college, and I thought it was pretty good. But that was the first and last book from PC that I've read (and will probably ever read). He's a good storyteller, and his fame is something that I could only ever hope to achieve, but, well, I guess he's just really not my cup of tea. His novels, I mean.

Anyway.

Despite that, PC wrote something that I've loved since the first time I read it a few months after college graduation. I was a bright-eyed, idealistic 21-year-old, nursing a broken heart from a recent breakup, and bam! I don't even know where I found it, or if it was shared by a wonderful friend out of concern. Nevertheless, the essay stayed with me, and five years after I first discovered its existence, I still love its message, and the things it made me realize.

So here it is, Closing Cycles, by Paolo Coelho. I hope it inspires you to close a cycle and start a new chapter in your life, just as it has inspired me many years ago.

Emphasis in bold are mine.

Closing Cycles

by Paolo Coelho

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.

Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters.

Whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave the past the moments of life that have finished. Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?

You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that.

But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister. Everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot forever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to taketheir place.

Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated,your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the ideal moment. Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person. Nothing is irreplaceable. A habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

'tis the season to be generous...so gimme some books!

Music: Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap

Because I wasn't able to do this for my birthday, I'm doing this for Christmas instead. Although I am not under the delusion that people are going to give me gifts for the holidays, I'll still make this list in the event that people might actually remember me come Christmas day.

Here's a list of books I'd love to receive for Christmas. They are not in any particular order (I think):

1. A Series of Unfortunate Events Books 7-12 by Lemony Snicket (hardbound edition, if possible, since they're more of a collector's items now, because I've already read the e-books)

2. The Missing Piece Meets the Big O by Shel Silverstein (actually, any Shel Silverstein book will be much appreciated, but this title is my favorite)

3. 100 Cupboards by N.D. Wilson

4. Dearly Devoted Dexter by Jeffrey Lindsay (the entire series would be ideal, but I'd settle for the second book for now) - removed from list (see entry #11 for replacement)

5. A Wind in the Door by Madeleine L'Engle

6. Smoke and Mirrors by Neil Gaiman

7. Mirror, Mirror by Gregory Maguire

8. A Lion Among Men by Gregory Maguire

9. The Curious Case of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon

10. In Odd We Trust by Dean Koontz (this is a graphic novel, but I'm cheating, because I really want a copy of this)

11. A Wolf at the Door (and other retold fairy tales) by Ellen Datlow and Terri Windling

I've been trying to search for titles by Filipino authors to add to the list, but I think a "disadvantage" of working for the local publishing industry is that I get a sort of VIP access to books that are not off the press yet. I will certainly not mind getting copies of the books I've actually worked on, although they're not really a priority. I do want some new speculative fiction books though. Or horror books. Or crime and mystery, like Smaller and Smaller Circles. Any recommendations?

Aaaaaand I think it's a given that books given after the holidays will still be accepted. Cue in signal bells to all of my friends. Coughs included if less subtlety is permissible.

EDIT: About an hour after I posted this, my best friend sent me this text message:

please remove #4 from the list ... for obvious (bday) reasons :))

And because that will benefit me more than anyone else, I'll be more than happy to oblige. *runs off to scratch #4 from the list and change it with a new one*