Looking Back: The Original Thursday Group

Music: Futures by Jimmy Eat World

More than a year after I made this little Christmas gift for the Thursday Group, I come to realize how we have changed over the months, and how fitting these songs are for each of us, even up to now.

1 - Simple Life (Sherwood)

For everyone in my little group (because, after all, I think they are the ones I’ve been searching for all my life...well, at least part of what I've been searching for)

~ I can't believe I said that. Insert cheesy emoticon here, please.

2 - Not Sure Yet (Andy Lange)

For Gel (because he's never given up on the idea of a happy ending)

~ And with the way things are going now, I have a good feeling he'll get just what he needs, and that no matter what happens, he will be fine. It will all be fine.

3 - Chase This Light (Jimmy Eat World)

For Ice (because, after all the chasing and falling and hurting, she's finally getting the happily ever after she deserves)

~ When I chose this song for Ice, I didn't know that it was supposed to be a "proposal/marriage" song. I'm glad it is, and that she is now happily chasing the light with her hubby Chris, confetti rainfall and all.

4 - Brand New Day (Joshua Radin)

For Ivan (because he finally found Miss Right, after a series of Misses Wrong)

~ What more can I say? :)

5 - Hammers and Strings – A Lullaby (Jack’s Mannequin)

For Ayen (because sometimes, all she really needs is someone to sing to her in her sleep)

~ And I'm still praying for that someone to hurry up and show himself, damn it, because Ayen is still waiting. Or, if she's not, her friends sure as heck are.

6 - How To Save a Life (The Fray)

For Gia (because sometimes, despite all efforts, friendships end, but it doesn’t mean that they end forever)

~ Well, she's an attorney now, so I guess she'll save lives in a different way? (I seriously cannot remember the context of this song anymore, doh.)

7 - Goodnight and Go (Imogen Heap)

For Lorraine (because of reasons that will not be mentioned here, since, you know, I fear for my life)

~ I still fear for my life, by the way :))

8 - Giving It Away (MAE)

For myself (because I need to learn to start trusting again)

~ I think I'm ready :)

And wouldn't you know it, our little group just got all the bigger. So I guess this means I need to collect more songs for next Christmas :)

Cheers to friendship! XD

barkada emo moments part iv - joyce

Music: Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap

And we're back to our regular scheduled programming.

Three down, two to go. Plus a three-liner from Ayen. My turn now. I don't think I need much explanation for this, since they came from me anyway.

Gia's reply to Gel's e-mail will be the finale. Wait, scratch that. Ayen's piece will cap off this barkada emo session.

In the meantime, here we go.

Ako, I don't believe in happy endings, kasi endings are always sad. I know the saying "every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end," but that just makes it worse. I mean, granted, beginnings can be something to look forward to. Beginnings are scary, but can be worth it. But endings...they just make me sad. There's nothing happy about separation, whether by death, or a third party, or physical migration, or just the fading of love/intimacy/friendship.

I'd rather live the story than anticipate the end. I'd rather be happy while living my story, than wait for the inevitable "happy" ending that will never come.

I used to believe in happy endings, when I was still "idealistic," if that's even the correct word for it. But yes, I'm jaded, calloused, broken now. I have so many ragged edges and I don't know how in the world I'll be able to smooth them out again. But I think it's better this way--that I'm realistic, logical, level-headed.

Sorry rin, pero it's a defense mechanism. It's human nature to want to preserve yourself. I'm being human. And don't tell me I'm being unfair. I've given so much before, and it almost destroyed me.

I'm not saying I don't want to love anymore. Hell, I miss being in a relationship. I just want to make sure I do things correctly this time. I get sad, sometimes I get impatient, I get restless. But I'm not giving up, not yet. I may not believe in happy endings, but I sure as hell believe in stories lived happily.

barkada emo moments part iii - gel

Music: Runaway by The Corrs

As I've mentioned in my previous post, Gel is the Ted in our group, according to my friends. Now I've only seen around five random episodes of HIMYM on cable TV, so I can't really vouch for the accuracy of this information. What I can say about Gel is that he is optimistic when others are not, he is calm when others are panicking, and he seldom shows any other emotion, aside from happiness, amusement, or boredom. He is a romantic (bordering to sickeningly cheesy), and lucky is the woman he falls in love with. And in a world where guys our age usually take advantage of members of the opposite sex, Gel remains a gentleman, to the point where he won't hold your hand without asking for permission first.

In some ways he is the perfect boyfriend, except that he's so perfect, it tends to be boring after a while. (Sorry Gel, you know we love you :p)

In our barkada emo session, it was when he replied to my email that things began to take a serious turn (for the worse or for the better, I cannot really tell). It was supposed to be light, funny, insane--useless banter between friends. But no. He just had to get down to business, which prompted Gia to get all serious too.

And viola, the war has begun.

Sorry.

I believe in happy endings. :)

I don't see the point of struggling with living if at the end, I won't be able to say I'm happy. Hmm... Di lang isang moment sa buhay natin ang happy ending (rough trans: Our life doesn't have only one moment for its happy ending). It's a collection of all of our experiences. If marriage is already a happy ending, then wag na lang ako magpakasal (trans: I'd rather not marry). Kasi what comes after that? I like to think that marriage is just one path to having a happy ending.

Being in a relationship might lead you to your happy ending, and then it might not. Not being in a relationship might also lead you to your happy ending, and then again it might not. So what if it doesn't? Then don't let things end for you there. Stand up. And try again. :D

Nabasted na ako so many times (trans: I've been rejected so many times), I don't even want to count. Had my heart broken in so many ways by people I've been in a relationship with. But it doesn't stop me from trying to find my happy ending. So keep on struggling. Life is hard. Life is unfair. If life had a face, I would punch it. I would punch life in the face and say screw you! :P

We make our own happy endings.

I have an answer to this, and Gia has one too. I shall post them in different entries in the near future. In the meantime, I'll let you munchkins reflect on what he just said, and decide whether you agree with him or not.

(And no Gel, I am not earning anything from this blog so I CAN'T pay you royalties!)

barkada emo moments part ii - ivan

Music: Oceans Away by The Fray

Part 2 of our barkada's emo sessions. The next reply came from Ivan, the only guy (more like the only one) in our group in a "real" relationship. I honestly did not know what to expect from him. I mean, I kind of expected Gia to be blunt and be the no-nonsense one, and Gel to be pretty much idealistic (he's like Ted from How I Met Your Mother, or so my friends say), but Ivan can sway either way, since he's a "guy" but "in a relationship."

I actually liked the storytelling part. I mean, I knew about the college girls, but it was interesting to find out about his online girlfriend (mostly because I could relate a bit). So here's Ivan's story, in verbatim again, with just a few corrections on the typos and punctuation marks, because I'm OC that way:

Nabusted ako so many times bago ako natuto manligaw. (trans: I've been rejected so many times before I learned how to properly court a girl.)

In High School, I averaged courting 2 girls per year...
I graduated single - never been kissed - :)
(nagka gf naman ako pero sa chat lang) trans: I had a girlfriend, but only via chat.
OY! ToTOO un ah... we truly loved each other back then... di nga lang kame nagkita :) (trans: It's true! We truly loved each other back then... we just haven't met face-to-face.)

During Ateneo College, may niligawan ako sa Miriam... (trans: During Ateneo college, I courted someone from Miriam)
M.U. na kame nun (trans: We became M.U. [Mutual Understanding or Mag-Un?])
pero disaster din un... (trans: But it ended in disaster)
naikwento ko ata sa inyo un e... (trans: I think I've told you about this already)

During La Salle College...
natuto nako :) (trans: I learned)
niligawan ko ung pinaka maganda nung school (trans: I courted the prettiest girl in school)
nakuha ko cya in 3 weeks (trans: I got her in 3 weeks' time)
(at di nya ako type nung una) trans: And she didn't even like to at first.

Ang moral ay... (trans: Moral of the story is)
Magbasa ka ng Tagalog Romance at Sexy Komiks... (trains: Read Tagalog Romance and Sexy Comics)
Bwahahahaha

Stand up Joyce and move on
kung kinakailangan... (trans: If needed)
Aakayin ka namin patayo - That's What are Friends are for - (theme song playing) (trans: We'll help you stand up)

Madaming lalaki dyan... wag ka lang mapili (trans: There are a lot of guys out there...don't be choosy)
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

A couple of points I want to raise:

1. I graduated college without ever being kissed. Damn proud of it too. (Or maybe I'm just a prude.)

2. I did not have an online boyfriend (at least not officially), but I almost fell in love with a guy literally half a globe away. It's a long story, one that I enjoy talking about (usually), because it gives off pleasant memories I don't want to forget. And yes, we are still friends, this guy and I.

3. Dear Ivan's current girlfriend: I have nothing to do with what your boyfriend wrote. Please do not gouge my eyes out when we finally get the chance to meet face-to-face.

4. Ivan, I will NOT read Tagalog romance and sexy comics...are you friggin' insane?!

5. And as I've responded in the email, I can't help but be choosy when it comes to guys...I was brought up that way!

Gel's response is next. That's when it starts to get serious. I'm actually pretty scared right now.

barkada emo moments part i - gia

Music: Where Are You Going by Dave Matthews Band

It all started with an e-mail I sent my friends this morning. I guess, in hindsight, this insanity is all my fault, so it's up to me to chronicle them, in the hopes that my brain cells will finally shut up and actually let me do some real work.

In defense of myself, I've been feeling pretty low yesterday (as may or may not be evident in my last two posts), and this sentimental bone in my body only functions once or twice in a good year anyway.

So. What started out as a cheesy, out-of-character message from me turned into a mini-debate, two versus two, boys versus girls, with the boys taking the side of pro-happy endings, and the girls taking the opposite. Which is pretty, uh, ironic, if you think about it, except that in our little circle of friends, the boys are the ones who are idealistic, optimistic, and, heaven forbid, romantic. Us girls are usually the jaded, oblivious, or just plain clueless ones. But that's a story for another day.

This is what I sent them:

Emo mode :'(

My (ex)crush is living a cliche fairy tale, and I'm still afraid to open my door to other people.

Damn you ex(boyfriend) for ruining my concept of a happy ending.

:'(

To be fair to my ex(boyfriend), I don't really blame him (not anymore). And I'm happy for my (ex)crush and his fairy tale with his girlfriend. It's just that the emo monster attacked all of a sudden, and there was little I could do to stop it from waging an all-out war with what is left of my brain.

Gia was the first one to respond. I am going to copy/paste her response verbatim (well, maybe not, since I edit things I should not edit in the first place...it's my nature) in this post. And yes, her mini-musing is copyrighted, and may not be reproduced in any form without the written permission of the copyright owner (Hah! You think I won't do it, Gi?!):

joshene.

happy endings are BS.

the fact that you don't believe in it is a blessing not a curse. believing in happy endings is the curse. because that unlucky person would dream of having a perfect life after marriage (we all know...that is impossible) ... and realize too late that relationships aren't like that at all. (by that time.. that person will be caught in a messy relationship)

fairy tales end in weddings because thats how far happy endings will last.

don't fret.

i always believe that everyone and everything has its own time and cycle.

when you are ready to love again, you will feel it. (hopefully asap)

that guy was stupid... and is such a weakling.. he doesn't deserve the distinction of being the reason you stopped believing in having a future with someone special.

maawa ka sakin. i plan to marry after you... pag di ka mag-asawa, lagot magiging matandang dalaga ako. (trans: have pity on me. i plan to marry after you... if you don't get married, i'll end up as an old maid.)

gia

I'll share the responses of my other friends later. I think my brain cells finally decided to cooperate. About mighty time they did so too.

Ciao for now!