barkada emo moments part v - gia v2.0

Music: Prince of Tennis opening song

I've neglected my blog for a couple of weeks, but then again, real life happened.

Anyway, here's the next part of my barkada emo sessions. This is Gia's reply to Gel's post.

The war continues!

@gel... i guess you are tackling it in a different context. since the "happy ending" i dont believe in is the "fairy tale happy ending" because joshene introduced the term happy ending after the fairy tale thingy of her ex-crush. it's a fairy tale...kwentong kutsero, a magnified and sanitized version of the truth (that you cannot experience happiness in real life without going through trials and pains).

you and your partner might not be the ones creating the trials, but it's part of life and relationships...you could never say you fully trust and believe in your relationship until it is challenged...you could easily say that, when it is not...but what happens when it is???

marriage is not a path to happiness...it is commitment, trust, respect and love...marriage is simply a tool to show the commitment, trust, respect and love.

marriage can be a path to hell. if based on all the wrong reasons. or even if based on the right reasons, but the couple left it in the minds and failed to exercise the reasons of the marriage.

the problem with some airheads is they that think, pag kasal na OK na ang lahat, but it is not...that's why some marriages fall apart. because at one point or another...naging sobrang kampante na sa marriage, akala nila dahil natali na nila...tali na sa kanila...

kahit kasal ka na

...you still have to nurture the relationship...you still have to work hard to keep it strong.

sabi nga ng mga kaibigan ko na may-asawa: you have to compromise a lot...you have to be strong...and in a relationship you have to continually remember "it doesn't mean that when a person doesn't love you the way you want to be loved...they don't love you."

"It doesn't mean that when a person doesn't love you the way you want to be loved...they don't love you."

This is my favorite part of the post. And not because I'm cheesy or mushy or any of that crap. I just think it makes sense. You can't force people to love you. You just have to let them do it in their own way, at their own pace. Whether it be romantic or brotherly love, it's really not your call. You just need to learn to accept whatever that person is capable of giving.

Believe me, you'll be better off that way.

Links to previous posts for reference:

barkada emo moments part iv - joyce

barkada emo moments part iii - gel

barkada emo moments part ii - ivan

barkada emo moments part i - gia

christmas eve (a not-really-a-christmas poem)

Music: Natutulog Ba Ang Diyos by Gary Valenciano

While browsing over my old notebook, I found a poem I've written at the back of a baptismal programme two years ago. It was probably one of the last poems I've ever written, and now that I've reread it, I realize that I kind of like what I wrote, despite the fact that it's pretty...uh...pathetic.

It was originally untitled, but I thought of a more or less appropriate title for it now. Revised it a bit, but the general idea is the same.

christmas eve

you put down the phone and mentally pat yourself on the back

for not breaking down

and you close your eyes tight and try not to cry

(still you see his face, oh so vividly)

in your mind you see him boarding that wretched silver bird that will

take him away from you

forever (forever is such a long time)

to a place with no rain nor snow

and the only storms are those made of sand

and you see him plain as day

looking down the black ocean filled with regrets and bitterness

of spending so much time with each other

(still, it is never enough)

and minute after minute he flies farther away

and second after second he slowly forgets your voice that

calmed him many a sleepless nights

and he sees the horizon

and dreams of men and women

in long, flowing robes

and you let the first tear fall

the minute he steps on foreign soil

(still, you know he is not coming back)

barkada emo moments part iv - joyce

Music: Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap

And we're back to our regular scheduled programming.

Three down, two to go. Plus a three-liner from Ayen. My turn now. I don't think I need much explanation for this, since they came from me anyway.

Gia's reply to Gel's e-mail will be the finale. Wait, scratch that. Ayen's piece will cap off this barkada emo session.

In the meantime, here we go.

Ako, I don't believe in happy endings, kasi endings are always sad. I know the saying "every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end," but that just makes it worse. I mean, granted, beginnings can be something to look forward to. Beginnings are scary, but can be worth it. But endings...they just make me sad. There's nothing happy about separation, whether by death, or a third party, or physical migration, or just the fading of love/intimacy/friendship.

I'd rather live the story than anticipate the end. I'd rather be happy while living my story, than wait for the inevitable "happy" ending that will never come.

I used to believe in happy endings, when I was still "idealistic," if that's even the correct word for it. But yes, I'm jaded, calloused, broken now. I have so many ragged edges and I don't know how in the world I'll be able to smooth them out again. But I think it's better this way--that I'm realistic, logical, level-headed.

Sorry rin, pero it's a defense mechanism. It's human nature to want to preserve yourself. I'm being human. And don't tell me I'm being unfair. I've given so much before, and it almost destroyed me.

I'm not saying I don't want to love anymore. Hell, I miss being in a relationship. I just want to make sure I do things correctly this time. I get sad, sometimes I get impatient, I get restless. But I'm not giving up, not yet. I may not believe in happy endings, but I sure as hell believe in stories lived happily.

barkada emo moments part ii - ivan

Music: Oceans Away by The Fray

Part 2 of our barkada's emo sessions. The next reply came from Ivan, the only guy (more like the only one) in our group in a "real" relationship. I honestly did not know what to expect from him. I mean, I kind of expected Gia to be blunt and be the no-nonsense one, and Gel to be pretty much idealistic (he's like Ted from How I Met Your Mother, or so my friends say), but Ivan can sway either way, since he's a "guy" but "in a relationship."

I actually liked the storytelling part. I mean, I knew about the college girls, but it was interesting to find out about his online girlfriend (mostly because I could relate a bit). So here's Ivan's story, in verbatim again, with just a few corrections on the typos and punctuation marks, because I'm OC that way:

Nabusted ako so many times bago ako natuto manligaw. (trans: I've been rejected so many times before I learned how to properly court a girl.)

In High School, I averaged courting 2 girls per year...
I graduated single - never been kissed - :)
(nagka gf naman ako pero sa chat lang) trans: I had a girlfriend, but only via chat.
OY! ToTOO un ah... we truly loved each other back then... di nga lang kame nagkita :) (trans: It's true! We truly loved each other back then... we just haven't met face-to-face.)

During Ateneo College, may niligawan ako sa Miriam... (trans: During Ateneo college, I courted someone from Miriam)
M.U. na kame nun (trans: We became M.U. [Mutual Understanding or Mag-Un?])
pero disaster din un... (trans: But it ended in disaster)
naikwento ko ata sa inyo un e... (trans: I think I've told you about this already)

During La Salle College...
natuto nako :) (trans: I learned)
niligawan ko ung pinaka maganda nung school (trans: I courted the prettiest girl in school)
nakuha ko cya in 3 weeks (trans: I got her in 3 weeks' time)
(at di nya ako type nung una) trans: And she didn't even like to at first.

Ang moral ay... (trans: Moral of the story is)
Magbasa ka ng Tagalog Romance at Sexy Komiks... (trains: Read Tagalog Romance and Sexy Comics)
Bwahahahaha

Stand up Joyce and move on
kung kinakailangan... (trans: If needed)
Aakayin ka namin patayo - That's What are Friends are for - (theme song playing) (trans: We'll help you stand up)

Madaming lalaki dyan... wag ka lang mapili (trans: There are a lot of guys out there...don't be choosy)
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

A couple of points I want to raise:

1. I graduated college without ever being kissed. Damn proud of it too. (Or maybe I'm just a prude.)

2. I did not have an online boyfriend (at least not officially), but I almost fell in love with a guy literally half a globe away. It's a long story, one that I enjoy talking about (usually), because it gives off pleasant memories I don't want to forget. And yes, we are still friends, this guy and I.

3. Dear Ivan's current girlfriend: I have nothing to do with what your boyfriend wrote. Please do not gouge my eyes out when we finally get the chance to meet face-to-face.

4. Ivan, I will NOT read Tagalog romance and sexy comics...are you friggin' insane?!

5. And as I've responded in the email, I can't help but be choosy when it comes to guys...I was brought up that way!

Gel's response is next. That's when it starts to get serious. I'm actually pretty scared right now.

barkada emo moments part i - gia

Music: Where Are You Going by Dave Matthews Band

It all started with an e-mail I sent my friends this morning. I guess, in hindsight, this insanity is all my fault, so it's up to me to chronicle them, in the hopes that my brain cells will finally shut up and actually let me do some real work.

In defense of myself, I've been feeling pretty low yesterday (as may or may not be evident in my last two posts), and this sentimental bone in my body only functions once or twice in a good year anyway.

So. What started out as a cheesy, out-of-character message from me turned into a mini-debate, two versus two, boys versus girls, with the boys taking the side of pro-happy endings, and the girls taking the opposite. Which is pretty, uh, ironic, if you think about it, except that in our little circle of friends, the boys are the ones who are idealistic, optimistic, and, heaven forbid, romantic. Us girls are usually the jaded, oblivious, or just plain clueless ones. But that's a story for another day.

This is what I sent them:

Emo mode :'(

My (ex)crush is living a cliche fairy tale, and I'm still afraid to open my door to other people.

Damn you ex(boyfriend) for ruining my concept of a happy ending.

:'(

To be fair to my ex(boyfriend), I don't really blame him (not anymore). And I'm happy for my (ex)crush and his fairy tale with his girlfriend. It's just that the emo monster attacked all of a sudden, and there was little I could do to stop it from waging an all-out war with what is left of my brain.

Gia was the first one to respond. I am going to copy/paste her response verbatim (well, maybe not, since I edit things I should not edit in the first place...it's my nature) in this post. And yes, her mini-musing is copyrighted, and may not be reproduced in any form without the written permission of the copyright owner (Hah! You think I won't do it, Gi?!):

joshene.

happy endings are BS.

the fact that you don't believe in it is a blessing not a curse. believing in happy endings is the curse. because that unlucky person would dream of having a perfect life after marriage (we all know...that is impossible) ... and realize too late that relationships aren't like that at all. (by that time.. that person will be caught in a messy relationship)

fairy tales end in weddings because thats how far happy endings will last.

don't fret.

i always believe that everyone and everything has its own time and cycle.

when you are ready to love again, you will feel it. (hopefully asap)

that guy was stupid... and is such a weakling.. he doesn't deserve the distinction of being the reason you stopped believing in having a future with someone special.

maawa ka sakin. i plan to marry after you... pag di ka mag-asawa, lagot magiging matandang dalaga ako. (trans: have pity on me. i plan to marry after you... if you don't get married, i'll end up as an old maid.)

gia

I'll share the responses of my other friends later. I think my brain cells finally decided to cooperate. About mighty time they did so too.

Ciao for now!