"You're all right, you're all right, you're all right."
—"Simon," Lifehouse (No Name Face)
...
Three years after I vowed never to
eat an Oreo cookie again (for reasons that only a few close friends know of), I
finally found the resolve (or is it courage?) to buy a pack of
my-at-one-time-favorite snack.
2012 is the year of new
beginnings for me, I guess.
Well, I only bought the chocolate
sandwich cookie flavor. I think it will take a couple more months before I can
actually try the vanilla-flavored version again. Because although this year is
about new beginnings and all that jazz, I never did like forcing myself in
situations I’m not comfortable with.
(Three hours after eating them,
my stomach started to ache. Haha, very funny, I say to no one.)
Sometimes I think God has such a quirky sense of humor He enjoys making me wait and wait and wait until the last minute before He actually answers my prayers. Because He knows patience is a virtue I didn’t learn in school, and that surprises rarely appeal to me (unless they’re really, really good news), and maybe, just maybe, He enjoys making me wait, just so He could see how much I can take before I just, well, explode from frustration.
So every time he does answer, I always feel like saying, "Yeah, very funny, Lord, and yet, I’m happy (and relieved, perhaps? and just a little bit excited, maybe?) that You finally answered."
...
I don’t assume. Wishful thinking,
yes. Daydreams with convenient plot holes, fire away. But not assume. Never assume.
Because assumptions lead to disappointments. And I’ve had enough disappointments to
last me a lifetime, thank you very much.
...
I opened my Formspring account
after ignoring it for a long, long time. Heck, I completely forgot I even have
one until the site sent me a notice via e-mail. As I was scrolling down the
questions posted for me since the last time I’ve logged in (last year,
apparently), I spotted a not-so-cryptic post smacked in the middle of “What’s
your passion?” and “Who is the sexiest man alive?” (My answer’s Cillian Murphy,
by the way, to both questions, maybe.):
“Still angry with me?”
(Mind not the typo.)
I realized I never answered the
question before. Maybe because I didn’t know the answer one year ago. And then,
as I reflected on it, I realized that, no, I’m not angry with her anymore, or
him, for that matter. I haven’t been for a long time. Maybe even during the
time when the question was posted.
Some people deserve to be
forgiven. I don’t know if she, or he, does, but then again, who am I to decide
who deserves forgiveness or not? God forgave my sins, so what right do I have
not to forgive others? Besides, I think I owe it to myself to forgive them
anyway. And I guess I must have, a long, long time ago, because I couldn’t feel
even the slightest hint of repulsion as I stared at her profile photo.
Well, I guess this year is about endings and new beginnings,
after all.
(No. I am no longer angry with you.)
...
I don’t believe in happy endings.
For me, endings are always painful. Death, breakup, separation—what’s so happy
with that?
I don't expect a happy ending with anyone.
I do believe in a life lived
happily, though. Because instead of focusing on the end, I’d rather take one
day at a time, really. And make the most out of it. And love the people
around me. No matter how much I dislike them.
I pray for a life lived happily with someone, then. For as long as I, we, could.
(Uhm, yes, there's a difference.)
...
I swear, I’m going to finish writing my zombie fairy tale. Just because I don’t believe in happy endings,
doesn’t mean I can’t write about one, right?
Besides, zombies are cool.
...
To quote Maurice Sendak:
I’m ready, I’m ready, I’m ready.
