what-if my foot

Music: Crack the Shutters by Snow Patrol

It started with a random conversation with an old friend—a suggestion that eventually led to counseling that eventually led to more conversation. I ended up going back to all the decisions I did (or did not) make in the past and wondered what could have happened if I had done otherwise.

1. What if I had transferred from my course to one that specializes in math and science, like I had originally planned? Would I be in a different industry then? Would I be happier, or more miserable?
2. What if I had chosen to stay in marketing rather than go back to publishing? Would I have improved my interpersonal skills? Or would I be sicker, thinner, and more burned out than before?
3. What if I had agreed to follow my then-boyfriend to Dubai, like he had suggested a few months after he left? Would we have lived happily ever after, even when I don’t believe in happy endings?
4. What if I had chosen his cousin instead—my first big infatuation? Would it be any different? Would he be like my ex, unfaithful when I’m not looking? Or would it have worked out better between the two of us than it ever did with me and my then-boyfriend?
5. What if I had flown to NC instead and married the one guy whom I almost fell in love with, but not quite? Would we be happy? Would I be happy, leaving my family and friends for a guy who made me feel great about myself?
6. What if I had left for Australia and built my life there? Would life be easier for me and my family, or would I feel too homesick to function properly?
7. What if I had decided not to pursue theater, to just focus on my job and not entertain the idea of leading a group of rowdy young people into productions designed to minister and touch lives? Would I have been content with my life?

One of my barkada said that there’s a science theory (wait, that’s not what he called it, but I forgot what it is exactly) that says that for every decision you didn’t make, there is an alternate universe where another you would make that decision. So if I choose to stick with editing books in this universe, the other me in the alternate one will most definitely be a rocket scientist.

Oh, that is so cool.

It’s too bad I don’t believe in alternate universes, but wouldn’t that be grand? In another universe, I’ll end up with that PR guy from a faraway place. In another universe I’ll be the geek that I was in high school, solving complicated mathematical equations and discovering new species of…uh, ants? (I have no idea where that came from.) In another universe I’ll be a most sought-after host, leading events and parties by big personalities left and right. In another universe, perhaps I won’t be the cynical, jaded, broken girl that I am now.

Meh.

I like who I turned out. Cynical, jaded, sarcastic and broken—this is me. I’ve chosen to accept who I was, who I am now, and who I will never be. What-ifs and alternate universes be damned. This is me. This is how God designed me to be. The what-ifs can stay what-ifs, and I’m perfectly happy with it. Again, as one of my favorite songs say:

I’m not sure yet about life, about love, but in time, I’m sure it will all be fine.

I’m not sure about a lot of things, but I am certain of one thing: the Lord loves me, baggage, scars and all, and because of that, I’ll choose to be happy, to be content, to not dwell in what-ifs that will only make me miserable.

Let what-ifs stay what-ifs forever. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

how to survive quarter-life crisis with your sanity intact

Music: All I Ask of You from the Phantom of the Opera Soundtrack

I’ve seen twenty-five Novembers. Graduated from a prestigious university, switched jobs twice, and finally settled for a job that allows me to accept other projects on the side. I’ve read tons of books, written none, and taken on enough writing projects—whether it be a short story, a radio drama script, or a simple book review—to satisfy my usually-deflated ego. I’ve seen numerous plays, written scripts for some, and acted in a few. I’ve had one disastrous relationship, and am currently alone, while my batch mates are getting hitched left and right. And I have one question I’ve been trying to answer since I celebrated my 25th birthday: What is my purpose in life?

Quarter-life crisis. A phenomenon that inflicts a number of young professionals these days. It is similar to the mid-life crisis in the sense that the person who suffers from it usually asks questions like: What have I accomplished so far? What legacy will I leave when I die? Will people remember good or bad things about me, or will they remember me at all? But in a fast- paced world, where everything and anything is now for instant gratification, young people between the ages of 20 to 30 experience what their older counterparts took another twenty-five years to feel.

Why do young professionals suffer from this kind of crisis? And how does one stop it? I don’t know much about stopping its cause, because I for one am struggling with it as well, but I can give a few insights on the matter and hopefully give a few tips to lessen its blow, if not totally

remove it.

Wikipedia defines it as “a term applied to the period of life immediately following the major changes of adolescence, usually ranging from the early twenties to the early thirties.” Characteristics may include insecurity about present accomplishments, disappointment in one’s job, boredom of social interaction, and stress over finances. Young professionals with quarter-life crisis feel that everyone else is better than him or her, usually prompting feelings of incompetence, frustration, to downright depression. They have set expectations about how things will work after graduation, and then are overwhelmed about how tough the “real world” is. They get stressed to the point of burnout, and still not able to find meaning in what they’re doing. They find themselves with low-paying jobs that have nothing to do with their degree, living in their parents’ place instead of buying a house of their own, and generally not reaching their full potential because of their inability to adjust to a new workplace environment.

As a twenty-five-year-old young professional who also undergoes bouts of insecurity, I make it a point to steer away from quarter-life crisis by doing the following:

Find a new hobby. If you feel that life is becoming a dull cycle of frustration and stress, look for something new to do. Not only will it distract you from thinking about your so-called failures, but it may also let you discover a new talent you didn’t know you had before. And what better way to boost your morale than excelling in something you’re good at, right?

Bond with friends. Feeling blue? Have dinner or coffee with your best friend or barkada, and let them cheer you up. You can also talk to them about your current crisis and ask them for advice. If your friends are feeling down themselves, meeting up may be a good chance to lift each other up with words of encouragement. Just be careful that you don't fall into an "emo" session. There's nothing worse than a bunch of yuppies wallowing in self-pity together while downing bottles of warm beer and choking on unforgivable versions of Celine Dion and Shania Twain karaoke . . . or, heaven forbid, a drunk version of "My Way."

Take a breather. Most young professionals are burnt out with their jobs that they sometimes find themselves asking, “What am I even doing this for?” At the first sign of burnout, take the time to pause, inhale deeply, and relax. Go to a spa. Sing songs in a karaoke bar. (But get a VIP room. Don't let other people, other than your closest friends, suffer as well.) Eat in an eat-all-you-can restaurant. File for a vacation if needed be. Go to a retreat house somewhere up in the mountains. Or lounge at the beach and get sunburn. It’s better to take a few days off and then return feeling refreshed, than spending hours in overtime without getting any quality work done.

Volunteer. Some young professionals feel that their life is meaningless because they’re trapped in the vicious cycle of corporate life which appears to lead nowhere. Try volunteering for a foundation or a group that helps the least fortunate. Or round up your friends for a weekend trip to a health center or orphanage, and share your blessings with the sick and children. Get out of your comfort zone to reach out to the needy. You will surely feel better once you see their smiles and hear their warm thank you’s.

Pray. There’s no better reminder that you are important than talking to your Father and having him assure you that you are special, and that what you are doing in life is not a waste. Other people may not appreciate what you’re doing, or you yourself may question what your purpose in life is. But by talking to Him, you will be reassured that you do have a purpose, and that no matter how bad life gets, there’s still someone you could turn to.